2015/2016, was one of the worst years. Anxiety was taking over me, depression was my closest companion. I was working 20-25 hours a weekend and attempting to finished high school. Staying out of the house as much as possible, but never really enjoying being at work. There were some individuals there who felt that they were better than I and when I didn’t engage with their flirting or let them give me hugs they decided to show me that I was just a little girl who couldn’t do anything and so they threw me into a trash can. This was not the only time I was bullied, it’s just the one that sticks out in my memory. (And yes, my work dealt with the situation appropriately and it never happened again.)
Still struggling to decided what I wanted to do with my life, I tossed a coin and it was a decision between business and photography and OH MAN OH MAN am I so incredibly thankful and overjoyed that photography won.
When I started college in Fall of 2016, my devotion to photography and exploring the outdoors had become the centre of my life. The first year at a “real school” was enlightening and terrifying. You know those stories of the homeschooler finally going to college. Shy, inexperienced, quiet? Yea, that wasn’t me. I was the loudest one in the class and used sarcasm as a way to make friends. By Christmas time I had learned and experienced so much. Something happened over Christmas (Don’t remember what it was) but when I returned to school I was not doing well. I would spend all my time avoiding people, never eating, spending as much time at work as I did at school. Eventually it got to the point where I became very sick. And ended up with sever anemia. During the month of May it fluctuated so much that it caused even more health problems. Now I’m just stuck with mediocre anemia. But as I learned more about my passion (I was taking a diploma in Photography) and the opportunities it brought with it, I realized there was more that I could be doing and that even thought I was struggling health wise, I didn’t want to give up yet.
Summer of 2017, was a hard one. Struggling with sticking up for myself when it came to dealing with coworkers and my social life. I was finding all my self worth into anyone who was willing to “care”. But when it came down to how they treated me, I took it out on myself. All of their disrespectful and hurtful behaviours turned into me feeling as though I wasn’t good enough. As if I needed to do more, be more. This made for a difficult two months.
Hear me when I say this. Putting/finding your self worth into someone else is easy to do but hard to heal from. If you’re reading this and you can relate, do yourself a favour and evaluate the situation. If you’re stuck ask for help. I didn’t and even though valuable lessons were learned that summer, I am still dealing with the repercussions. That summer helped build the fire inside me to fight for what’s right and to not let anyone deal with anything alone. But I wouldn’t wish those feeling onto my worst enemy.
During the middle of the summer I was surfing and ended up getting a concussion. (That story is actually quite funny.) For the first week, I acknowledged I had a concussion and after that I went on living life like nothing had happened. This did not end well for me. By Christmas time I had gotten some serious vertigo and ended up blacking out and hitting my head again. This time, I was put out of commission for a few weeks. No driving, no school, no nothing.
No school was the hardest. I had one semester left and the fear of not graduating was stressing me out beyond repair. Having a concussion broke me inside and there was nothing I could do. Now haven taken time and started the journey to healing, I realize that having a concussion was changing me, for the worst. And I did end up graduating on time, thanks to the AMAZING instructors and faculty at NSCC for never giving up on me and supporting me through the injury.